Today I'm going to start something new - surfing!! And how is that possible living 5 hours from the ocean?? Well, metaphorically!! I was totally challenged by last nights mindset video from Michelle about learning to ride the waves of feelings and emotions, so I've dedicated today to starting a new habit: emotional surfing!! But let me start at the beginning...
Yesterday was weigh in, and yes as already discussed I was feeling pretty nervous. And the results didn't go as well as I'd hoped. Seeing a 900g gain was not too great. I tried to rationalise it and put it in perspective, not beat myself up about it etc etc, but to no avail. I've been in that habit of negative self talk for so long it's a tough one to break (I'm trying though). So this 900g weighed me down all day. I felt tired and sluggish at work, all I wanted to do was sit at home on the lounge and watch tv or read a book. It didn't help that outside it was wet, cold and miserable. So leaving work at 4pm I had a choice to make - gym or chocolate??? And yes bad choice made, I went for the chocolate...
And once I was home in front of the heater and tv, with my book and my chocolate, I certainly didn't feel like going back outside to the gym. And so I sat there further berating myself for eating 1280calories of white chocolate (can you believe it, that's more than a days worth of calories!). But I made myself work it out so I knew exactly what I'd done. But then I remembered that there was probably a new mindset video coming out, so I got online, found it and watched it! Revolutionary! Mish could've just been speaking to me in that video. I was just agreeing with everything she said. It hit home and I realised some things I had to change.
So this morning I watched it again, and this time made some notes about things I need to do, habits I need to break, and habits I need to establish.
- I do live in a world of polar opposites - good/bad, right/wrong etc. Its my all or nothing personality. But that does lead me to make harsh judgements about myself, feelings of guilt and disappointment. I have high expectations of myself, and it's tough living in this world of extremes. This habit of thinking needs to be taken apart and restored. How?
- Well I truly feel that I struggle with feelings and emotions that are unpleasant, and I try and get rid of them, immediately. And so what I'm planning on doing is some mindful recognition of what I'm feeling, identify it as fact (takes the emotion out of it), and then ride the wave until it passes. Because Mish is right it will pass. And sometimes I know that wave will take me under, I'll miss judge the timing, but like any good surfer, just get back out there and find the next wave.
- Realising that I can't force a feeling or emotion to pass in my own time frame no matter what I do or eat is quite freeing. Instead I can free myself of that pressure and just ride it out in its own time.
- I need to find my willpower muscle and start to train it. With training it will start to work all on its own, and ta-da, a habit is formed! Jumping back into a healthy routine the next meal or exercise session after a slip up is part of getting that willpower muscle working better. And funnily enough it was part of my original 12wbt commitment.
Alright, so that's my run down of what I learnt just from an 8 minute video last night and this morning. I feel like I'm starting to sound like a self help book! But anyway, here goes at trying to put it into practice.
The other thing that helped me to get myself together was an email from the 12wbt team last night encouraging me to keep going, reminding me that I was consistently weighing in, and also that I was losing weight! It was so right, and I was able to hear it said from someone else and believe it. I just need to start telling myself those things and believing them. I need to start my own cheer squad - and it only needs 1 member - me! So I stopped berating myself for what was already done, I can't change the past. All I can do is get it together and start again today, with a healthy mindset, putting new habits into play.
Sorry for the long blurb on self help, just trying to process some things for myself, but hoping that's also helpful for any others reading! Enjoy the rest of week 5.